So sleep gave me some of the answers i need, but i still have to wait and see. Speaking of sleep I'm still half in it. Ok, i have to catch my bus so good day.

So really confused ?

I don't know sometimes if I'm going in the right direction. I wanted to go this way but the path seems much different then when i first started, not the one i started. Is this like a fork? to test me to decide if this is really for me, if it's a bad idea, maybe i was wrong all along, but it all seemed so right... Maybe it's the weight of everything crashing down on me. Responsibility branding itself into my mind and being. I feel like I'm losing that child like sense i loved. Everything is duty, time management, work, deadlines, budget, money... It's not like it used to be when i started down all my paths... It used to be about passion and love, inspiration, freedom, expression, self discovery. It's all slowly being shoved aside... I don't know if I'm going the right way anymore... Did i take a wrong turn? Or am i lost? Or is this all there is at then end, slowly taking away it's initial charms that lured me in. I'm not sure about anything I'm doing right now. I think i need some time to evaluate where i.... GAh!! it's all evaluation and calculation I'm even trying to reason and file my own mind. Will someone just take me the sea, forest, mountain, anywhere! Somewhere, where I can see something other than this world caving in on me. I've been too long cooped up in my rural area thats now cut off of any form of nature. Take me away...

Please don't leave a mess.

"Oh thats a nice color paper...OOoOoo shiny... I'll take that one too.. Wait i don't really want these... but I'm to lazy to put them back so I'll leave them right here."

yeah thats what like 10 0perople must have been thinking when they left piles of mixed scrap booking paper hidden in shelves, in between other stacks or just right on top the whole darn thing. I can't believe people sometimes when they shop. I know i probably did it before i started to work but oh my goodness that was disgraceful there was stacks and stacks of it. SO there is my woes of work. Now for my dresses, i paid 35$ to alter a dress that cost me 40$... wow. Then again i paid 40 to have one altered that i paid nothing for. I need money but i hate working for money. Goodness I'm tired, this probably really does not make sense i blame it on paper well good night.

Has it been crazy lately or is it just me?

I remember on exam week saying
"i just want it to be over."
"Next semester will be better."
Oh boy, it has not gotten better if anything the stress is still stuck to me like a second skin. Between conflicting class schedules for art and outdoor pursuits and working all the time i barely have time for a social life. What time i have is only enough to distress and spend time with John. How i hate being here by myself, but thats why i work *sigh*. It's all so hard to balance, I'm afraid this juggling act might come crashing down on me before semester's end. Everything that's happening is all so confusing i don't know where to start, how to react, how to do, how to manage, even how i feel. Art is quickly piling up on me and outdoor pursuits is squeezing my wallet both impairing me traveling abilities and school is wrecking my ability to have visitors so that's not even an option. I wish there wasn't so much ice outside i just want to whip out my bike and go as far as i possibly can. Just forget about all this craziness and focus my all into how far i can go. I wish it was june...